In the time that I've been dating, mostly in the years following my divorce, I've noticed that men tend to try and use various tactics to play upon the vulnerabilities of women. Now, in the interest of fairness to all people/persuasions/orientations, you can fill in the blank here with whatever you wish. The point is that I'd like to expose some of the games that the Lames try to play to get what they want out of you. And I will shed some light on this here. I'm a bit embarrassed to say that yes, I've fallen prey to some of these. But no more...I've wised up, and so should you. So, here's a scenario that I'd like to call "The Online Full Court Press". Of course, this can be done in person as well, and is, so watch out!
A man I met on a dating site was quite persuasive, asking me repeatedly to be his girlfriend. Now mind you, this is after texting me only a matter of days! We lived in different states, and not like one state over, either! He was relentless, saying all the right things, like that he wanted a beautiful woman like me who was nice, caring, nurturing to his children, sexy and sexual, and supportive. Since I tend to be very open in who I am, he honed in on what I ultimately wanted (i.e. a committed relationship and possibly a family) and used it against me. He persuaded me somehow, despite the annoying voice cautioning me in the back of my mind, to say yes.
Now at first, he seemed genuine, like he was very happy and looking forward to getting to know me better. And also to meeting me sometime in the future. We communicated almost constantly, and daily. He even let me talk to his children with no prompting from me. But after the first couple of weeks, and several nonstop texts/emails, he started playing little games. Games that he thought I wouldn't catch on to. Games like asking me to friend him on Facebook, and then 'hollering at the sexy ladies' he knew there. Or asking my sisters to friend him before he asked my permission! I think he was widening his dating pool, and didn't think that I'd catch on. And when I'd ask him about the inconsistencies that kept arising, he would make excuses, or make me feel as if I were the one in the wrong for taking it seriously! Ridiculous!
Finally, after seeing him continue to use dating apps on Facebook, his calls and texts to me dwindling, and no set timetable to meet in person, I pulled the plug. His reaction showed me, however painfully, that he was never really 'into me' in the first place. He just said, "Ok, I'll delete your number." After all of that buildup. And after I was lady enough to offer to still be friends with him and his kids.Wow was all that I could say. But hey, it was my foolish mistake to take him at face value, and so soon. And also that he was using his kids as part of his sick game to keep me strung along. In retrospect, he did me a huge favor by showing me who he really was and helping me demand more. He also put the kibosh on long distance relationships for me for anything other than friendship. C'est la vie.
Lesson learned...Don't fall for this type of play! If a man is really interested in getting to know you, and a possible relationship, he'll take the time to be just friends first, to let you know you're his priority above anyone else he might be in communication with, and he'll set a timetable to meet in person (regardless of distance). Demand the best for yourself... Avoid the Lames!
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